I spent a lot of my time on the internet.
a
lot.This has made me an expert at several things, the most prominent being time-wasting. I have a list of websites that I can always go to whenever I want something funny/interesting/stupid to read (hello, Craigslist missed connections). Here are a few of my new favourites:
Sorry-Mom.com, aka "I bang the worst dudes." We've all been there. Pissed off or amused readers send in pictures of the ones that got away, and in hindsight make you ask yourself, "Huh. What the FUCK was I thinking." Seriously, I've had to think long and hard before deciding if I was going to enter anything in here. There have been a few charmers in the past several years that I'm pretty fucking glad I have nothing to do with anymore. Here's a little sample, in case you're too lazy to navigate over there:
"This special guy unexpectedly invited his overweight elderly lesbian friend out on our date. When I said no to his threesome suggestion, he banged her instead, later describing it as “diving into a giant unattractive bag of marshmallows.” Here’s hoping he lasted more than three mediocre minutes with her." Wow.
List of the Day has, by far, the most potential to ruin your day. I say that with love, because it's hella entertaining and frequently updated. I don't really get who updates it, but I know it's a dude in the movie/tv business in some way. I never watch all the youtube clips, but I love some of the lists (13 Movies I'll Never Watch Unless You Kill Me And Prop My Lifeless Corpse In Front Of A TV, 6 Signs That You're In A Bad Third Movie Installment). Besides, yesterday I *did* watch the "Don't you put it in your mouth" PSA and felt very nostalgic.
Onesentence.org simply states "true stories, told in 1 sentence." I found this site through LotD (above) and I think it's brilliant. Sometimes super funny, sometimes incredibly sad or thought-provoking. A few highlights:
-My best friend of nine years still won't let go of the time I accidentally pushed her in front of a taxi before ripping her out of the way.
-I believe the monkey who jacks off outside my window will miss me when I move.
-Today I saw a chicken walking up 9th Avenue and, being very tired, he sat down on a metal door in the sidewalk beside a couple of Mexican guys.
-When I was 5 or so my mom would tell me to lie down before she tied my tie and I just now realized at the age of 19 that she did this because she's a funeral director.
-As you were breaking up with me, all I could think about were those mornings when you compared the Pop-Tarts and gave me the one with more frosting.
-The worst thing about secret girlfriends is that when they get hit by cars you're not supposed to cry.
-I waited for him to hit me, instead he replied, "She'll probably cheat on you too."
Now, as we all know, I have a habit of writing these posts when I should be something else. On that note, I'm supposed to be heading out - possibly, weather-dependent - on a road trip today. I am not packed. I am not dressed. My apartment has not been straightened up. My teeth are brushed, but I'm pretty sure I want more coffee. We're supposed to leave in an hour and 15 minutes if all is on time, and I'm supposed to be meeting everyone else downtown. That would take about... 30-40 minutes, especially in this weather. Maybe I should get going, huh?
